I’m not worthy!

Who decides who deserves what?

We are all born into this chaotic, cruel world innocent babies.  We have no preconceived ideas about each other.  Color, religion, body type, education, who cares?  Babies don’t care.  They want to be held, they want to eat, to sleep, to be kept clean and to be loved.  Basic human needs.    We all want the same things, regardless of where we started this race.

We grow up and build relationships with one another and we start to form an idea of our “type”.  Dating.   People will ask what your type is and you are expected to lump a possible life partner into a pool of hair color, eye color, build, ethnicity, religion.  I’ve done it, so I know.  Funny thing is, my “type”….if we are going there, are men with dark hair and blue or green eyes, tall, broad shoulders…..just big guys.   Ok.  I ended up marrying a blonde guy and a guy with no hair.  How does that happen?

That’s right baby…there is no denying chemistry!  Lord, I love this picture. I laughed just uploading it.  Am I the gas tank?  Am I the “tank” in this equation? 🙂       Chemistry.   Either you have it, or you don’t. You can’t make it happen just because you really want to feel that for someone.

I am surrounded by friends who have types….and they gravitate towards them, repeatedly, like moths to a flame.  When they fly back to show me their singed and charred wings, I fight the urge to repeat that ever famous line, “If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got”.


Take me for example. I’m sure by outward appearances I appear to be a normal middle-aged Mom of two…and I accept that.  I am not a super model.  I am not a scholar.  I am not an athlete.  For a man whose type are athletic, hot chicks…..they wouldn’t be in my bed eating frozen yogurt at midnight watching Sportscenter because I’m not their ideal…I am not the flame they fly briskly to.   The crying shame of having a type is that they miss out on all the ways I am freaking amazing…..unique……and stunningly beautiful.

The phrase “out of your league” should be banned from the english language. “We are not worthy! We are not worthy!”  Really?

I am a middle-aged mother of two.  Being a Mom is the most giving, unselfish, loving thing a woman can be.  It has added depth to my soul, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.   However, I am anything but boring.  I am a loving daughter, a kind sister, a chartiable volunteer, a passionate lover, a part-time chef and maid, an amateur writer, a good and loyal friend, a chauffeur, a really hard working employee, an Aunt that may be a bad influence sometimes, and a therapist.  Cheers. 😉

Ladies and gentlemen, you have homework.  I challenge you to color outside of the lines.  How can anyone “get” you if you don’t get yourself?  Say no to past failed relationships and the part they play on your psyche.  Say no to negative self-image.  Say no to feeling ancillary.  You are an intentional being, with amazing gifts and strengths.  Back it up and take some time to assess.  It’s not easy.  It might even suck.  I am right here doing it with you! (ahem)   You ARE worthy of being loved for every fiber of your being, not just the yummy parts.

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”-ee cummings


About Diana F

California girl who never imagines she would decide to start her life all over again at this stage of her life but I just know it's going to be epic.
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