Hey gang…..I haven’t written in over a month, and what a month it’s been!
I left my little house in Encinitas. I loved it there but things in life happen to force your hand….and in doing that, it set off a chain of events that have led me to incredible happiness. INCREDIBLE happiness.
I felt like it was a cruel joke. I had just moved in March, and had used all of my savings to make that transition. How could I afford to move again so soon, living check to check, with no furniture or anything? We had been using my roommate’s stuff, and we were going our separate ways. Who would take my dogs? Contemplating all of this caused me depression, some anger, some tears, and many fears. I had a couple of days where I didn’t even want to get out of bed.
I snapped out of it. I have never been one to let life run me over. If I see a train coming and I am laying on the track, I have enough presence of self to get the hell off the track. I found an apartment about 10 minutes up the freeway in the seaside town of Carlsbad. It’s a two bedroom, fireplace, washer and dryer and they took my doggies. In the midst of looking for a new place for myself to live, I ended up finding a new place for my heart to live.
My heart has been empty and over time, I started filling the holes with lies. I told myself that being a hopeless romantic was a hopeless path. I told myself I didn’t need to be loved, and that it was ok for me to just be someone’s temporary option. You can’t get hurt that way, right? I concentrated on healing, and finding my own happiness independent of anyone.
Then I met Rick. It was random. It was a chance. We went on a date and it went so well, I freaked out the next day and told him I couldn’t see him anymore. He was angry and hurt, yet he emailed me the next day saying he would go slow and do whatever I needed in order for me to feel comfortable and safe to open my heart. He didn’t let me go.
I moved into my new place last weekend. I feel more at ease and at home here than I ever did in Encinitas. The dogs are happy. Pictures are hung. I am cooking again. I have a home.
I have let Rick see me with messy hair, unshowered and sick. He hasn’t run yet. Actually quite the opposite. Every day we grow closer and I am hopeful. Here is a man who is active, likes to eat healthy, is slowly learning my sick sense of humor, who drives all the way to my house just to help me lift something, and who takes days off of work just to be with me. He brings me flowers. He holds me close. We have no boundaries and my heart is wide open.
Be careful what you wish for…….it just may show up when you least expect it. In the midst of my fears and life’s uncertainties, I’ve been given a tremendous gift.