This is a love note to my friends who are still my friends even though we may not speak or see one another as much.
I want you to know how very much you mean to me. You may not feel it, but I hope you will try. When I sit and think of the past few years, it is overwhelming how much has changed, how much I have lost, and what I have gained. Both of my amazing children moved away. They are the reason I viewed my life as a success. I ended a marriage after finding the strength and acceptance to realize that I needed to matter. I had to find my baby boy dog that I had for 6 years a new home. It was liking giving up another kid. Finally, I lost my mother to Alzheimers after 8 years of watching her live the nightmare. Members of my family turned away, and I had to say goodbye to people I had mistaken for friends. In the middle of it all, I met a man who showed me that it’s ok not to be perfect, it’s ok to make mistakes, that I am beautiful and vital and loved without limits. I’ve taken huge leaps of faith and took major risks with changing a life I no longer recognized as my own.
Through it all, I trusted in the friendships I have made over the years. There are times we go days, weeks or even years without speaking…..and then make a lunch date out of the blue and reconnect like not a moment has gone by. Please understand that while our friendships have been somewhat redefined, your place in my life is still needed so much. I know I don’t go out drinking with the girls anymore. I don’t feel the need to do it. I struggle to make any plans that take me out past 8pm. I crave security, and solitude and normalcy. It’s a nice change from treading water. My load has been lightened. My stress has been managed. I can’t wait to get home every night. I am making plans for my future for the first time in years. I find immense joy in the simplicity of life.
I will always be here for you. I might not be as vocal, and I might seem far away, but I am not. I see you struggling. I see you making big changes. I see your beauty, and your heart, and your immense spirit. You know who you are. I will never leave you. I needed to put down these words. I sensed some of you may have felt I no longer needed you now that my life has footing. You are wrong. I need you even more. Friends are not just there for the bad times. They should be there to witness to THE HAPPY. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for always believing in me even when I couldn’t believe in myself. Thank you for reminding me that I am stronger than I thought I was. I am here, and I love you.