The “Birthday Party”
Tomorrow, it will have been one year since my Mother passed from this life. As 1am hits and the minutes tick away toward 1:30am, my sweet tiny mother finally gave up the fight of her life. She was set free.
Those of you who knew my family and who knew Mom know that she spent her entire life in a body stricken at a very young age with polio, and all the degenerating physical problems that posed for her…… only to be diagnosed with dementia/Alzheimers 9 years ago. Trapped in an uncooperative body and then trapped within a confused brain, she endured much longer than most do with the disease. My Mom was STRONG.
I honestly thought I’d be pretty cool about this anniversary. I remember the entire week leading up to her leaving us, my sisters and I were gathered around her bed. We talked to her, we polished her nails, we kissed her and we kept telling her it was ok to go. It was ok. We were all good. She had done her job and we would be fine. My sister Debbie felt that she may not leave us until April 15th. That was our grandmothers birthday; her Mom. Mom had been asking for Grandma for a couple of weeks before slipping into a comatose state. She would look up at the corner of the room and tell her own Mama to “hurry”. Debbie told Mom on the 14th, “Mamacita, it’s ok. You can go with Grandma. You got a birthday party to get to, Mom. ” She was, and always will be our little Mamacita.
Mom heard, and she waited until us girls were gone and she was alone with Dad to let go. When I got the call, I cried…. half from sorrow and half from relief. She was free. No more pain. No more confusion. She was free.
So today I came home from work. I crawled into a hot bath, pulled my knees up and sobbed the ugliest cry I have ever cried. I felt like it would never end. I pulled myself out of the tub, and now all I want to do is lay in bed and try not to hurt. No matter how old we get, they are still Mommy, and I miss mine so much.
I love you Mom. Now go get ready with Grandma. I am sending you both baskets full of yellow roses. xo