My daughter taught me a very valuable lesson last week.
She is getting married next April, and planning her wedding has lead to many discussions. Some good and some not-so-good. You would think after watching shows like Say Yes To The Dress and seeing some horrible Moms-of-the-Bride that planning her wedding would be a piece of wedding cake. She isn’t asking for a Pnina Tornai gown. She isn’t asking to be married at The Del. We aren’t releasing doves and playing a harp and asking Michael Buble to sing.
Thanks to her Mom and Dad, Kaitlin has multiple parents which has lead to offshoots of family. Some I’m comfortable with and some I am not. I found myself in unfamiliar territory of not having control. I just don’t have it. I have histories with people that I no longer choose to associate with. Living happily and moving forward has afforded me the luxury and the ability to do just that, and I honestly didn’t anticipate it being an issue when my children married and it started to be one.
Kaitlin and I talk about it. Over and over. I went over why I was upset….and after all is said and done, you know what she said to me?
“But Mom, it’s MY family.”
She’s right. This is HER family. All created because of choices her parents have made. It’s through no fault or design of hers, but she has been expected to roll with the changes and accept new people into her life solely on the basis that her parents made choices.
So on her wedding day, I will be there with pride in the front row with my gigantic box of Kleenex, sitting in my seat across the aisle from her fiancee’s mother. We earned the right to be in those seats. Is it really going to matter about those other people? Probably not. The biggest gift I can give to her is to do what I’ve been doing since the day she popped out after two horrible days of labor (Kaitlin, I never forget haha)…….love her unconditionally and support her on her big day. The last thing she needs is to feel bad for loving people that I brought into her life.
It’s her family.