In 10th grade, my daughter sat in my friend Brenda’s living room and played video games with her son Matt. Matt and Kaitlin had crossed paths for many years. As children at Bring Your Kid To Work Day and at friend gatherings with their Moms. Kaitlin had accompanied me to Brenda’s house that night because a) I had made her favorite dessert b) that is where the dessert was going. The cackling of adult females got boring pretty quick, and Matt boldly swooped in and asked Kaitlin if she wanted to play. I say boldly because if you knew Matt, this kind, gentle kid did not project bold, especially when around my daughter.
Three weeks later, they were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
In less than four months, that young man is going to be my son-in-law. The kids survived attending separate schools, needing to be delivered to each other by their Moms because they were not old enough to drive, and various other growing pains. It’s been almost six years since that dessert worked its magic.
Kaitlin and I always loved watching wedding shows. Shows about finding the perfect wedding dress or planning the big day were our favorites. Now that we are waist deep in planning her own wedding to Matthew, I’ve had to face my own growing pains. I swore I’d never be one of those Momzilla’s. That wasn’t going to be me. She was the bride and this was her day; THEIR DAY. As things have progressed, the vision I always had for my baby girl has flown out the window and what has emerged is the vision she had for herself. What?! That can’t be right!
When the realization hits you that this is their day and not your own, you actually lose 73% of your stress, and yes that is a real statistic ……. as far as you know. 😉
It’s their day. It is not my day to make her look like the picture in my head. It is not my day to decorate a hall with toilet paper roses on pipe cleaners. (Oh wait, flashback to when she was tiny). It is not my day to watch her throw the bouquet to her younger cousins, or wear the Cinderella shoes, or force Matthew into a tuxedo. This isn’t a day to parade around the kids for my friends and distant family. That isn’t what this man and woman want for their one and only day.
She has the big, gorgeous dress and the veil. It’s wonderful that she wants to wear her Doc Martin boots under that gown. It’s her day. It’s wonderful that Matt wants his groomsmen to wear Superhero bow ties. It’s his day. It’s wonderful that Matt and Kaitlin want an intimate dinner at their favorite restaurant rather than a big reception. As Kaitlin shares with me, “We want to celebrate our marriage with people who have a vested interest in Matt and I as a couple from day one, rather than a wedding and reception that means more to others than it does to us.”
I have to say that even though I do mourn the vision this Momzilla had in her head, I admire and respect Matty and Kaitlin for being true to themselves even though they feel pressure to do otherwise from all sides. They became adults when I wasn’t looking, and they have reminded me that having a good, respectful and fun marriage is way more important than ballet flats (sorry Matty, I know you wanted to wear them haha).
Did you hear that? 73% of my stress just fell on the floor. It’s their day, not mine, and it’s going to be PERFECT.