Emotional Intelligence

Wow, for someone who loves to write as much as I love to write, it has been almost a year since I have written in my blog.  We need to make time for things that keep us flowing.  I made time today. 🙂

Earlier this afternoon, I became acquainted with an author named Daniel Coleman.  This man began his career as a science journalist for the NY Times.  Later in life, he wrote a book called Emotional Intelligence.  The title sparked my interest, and I watched an interview with him as he discussed his book.   Everything he said made so much sense to me, and some of the questions I often had within myself as they pertained to my own spirit and my own life’s journey were answered.




You can be the smartest person in the world.  Valedictorian of your class; a college grad with many letters after your name and yes, even the author of many well-read books. You can have a very high IQ,  your Intelligence Quotient, but this does not measure your EQ.  The four factors of a persons Emotional Quotient are the perception of emotion, the ability reason using emotions, the ability to understand emotion and the ability to manage emotions.  While I struggle with the ability to manage emotions, I have the other three factors perfected….and it’s not always me struggling with my own emotions. It is me struggling with processing what others are feeling and my desire to help them that I most struggle with.  I am learning some wonderful coping skills and soon, I hope to have that managed.

Your Emotional Quotient is defined by the level of emotional growth you have obtained over the course of your life, not in the number of years you have been on this Earth.  Your ability to “walk in someone else’s shoes”.  Your ability to give full attention to another; to open yourself to understanding another person’s feelings.  To be empathetic, show compassion and build rapore.  I had to laugh, because these are things that were emphasized in order to be a success in my own career.  Little did I realize that by practicing these things that were already inherent in my personality, I allowed for growth in a part of my brain that others do not allow for.  They are too preoccupied with their work, the cell phone in front of their face, the video game they are playing, and their own “stuff”.  In doing so, there is an important part of their brain that is not being nourished.




I soaked up this author’s words like a sponge. There is not a long list of things I truly love about myself, but I have to tell ya, my ability to love, to care, to listen and to feel is one of the things I treasure most about my soul.  It’s how I’m wired. I have tried NOT to be that way, but it’s impossible.  For years, I spent an inordinate amount of energy wondering why I was the way I was; comparing myself to others.  As a kid, I compared myself to my sisters.  Why wasn’t I more like my sisters?  They were both honor grads. Valedictorians.  Both in Who’s Who Among American High School Students.  They both received college scholarships. Anything my eldest sister tried to do, she accomplished, and then some. Registered Nurse, Emergency Mobile Intensive Care Nurse, wrote college textbooks, ran an ambulance company then decided one day, gee….I want to be a real estate agent.  She did that.  Success around every corner.  My middle sister in her 50’s just graduated with her Masters degree, that she went back to college for after raising her large family….and now she is a teacher. Success.  Smart, intelligent women and I would wonder why not me?




Comparison is the thief of joy. The reason it is not me is because THAT ISN’T ME, and it’s ok.  I didn’t go to college.  I hate sitting in a classroom.  The thought of it is just ugh.  For all my lack of textbook smarts, I more than make up for it in common sense,  in street smarts……..in acceptance, in kindness, in humor, and in the size of my ever-beating heart.

So I can’t hem pants.  Big deal.  I can sit across from you, at your worst possible moment, and hold your hand and let you cry and I can hear you.  I can remind you of the goodness and the possibilities and the shining light that is visible to us all if we just choose to look in that direction.  So I can’t sing.  I can remember the words to your song, and sing it back to you when you forget.  So I can’t run a marathon.  I can sit up all night with you if you need me to.  I can cook for you.  I can bake you brownies and watch your eyes light up as you eat them. So I can’t write a thesis.  I can write you a story about childhood, about being a military brat, about not being popular, about childbirth, about having a mother with polio, and then with Alzheimers, about being a single Mom, about re-entering the workforce after divorce, about divorce, about feeling unloved, about finding love within myself, about healing a child that has been hurt, emotionally and physically.  I can write you a story about adventure, about the ocean, about road trips, about cooking and about finding love later in life and how it’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. I can write about loss, and about how the sadness and the feeling of failure never lasts; about getting through it, about being stronger and rising above it. I can write about all of those things, and that makes me awesome.



Needless to say, I owe some thanks to Mr. Coleman.  When life becomes jumbled or when we feel out of sync with our surroundings, we lose our flow.  Find something that brings passion to you, and do that.  Passion restores our flow and renews our drive as we  move forward in a life of learning and growing.  My passion is writing.  For a girl who feels everything, writing is a way to deconstruct the swirl of feelings within me and formulate them into something that makes sense.  My blog was calling me and I already feel better for answering. I promise to visit more often.  I love to write, and writing loves me.   I know that life gets busy and that often, we are taken on physical and emotional detours.   Hold onto your passion.  Put down your phone.  Pay attention to each other.  Listen.  Care.  Love.




About Diana F

California girl who never imagines she would decide to start her life all over again at this stage of her life but I just know it's going to be epic.
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